There Is No Fear In Love

There are six major fears in the world:  Fear of poverty, fear of criticism, fear of ill health, fear of old age, fear of death and the fear of loss of love.  

I did not make that up.  I read that straight from "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill many years ago.  (It's a phenomenal book; one that's on our recommended reading list.  Do yourself a favor and go get a copy.)

For each person, the presence of and/or intensity of the fear/s is different. 

As we dig into this concept a bit further, remember our teachings:  Listen To Understand. 

When it comes to Fear of the Loss of Love, you must understand what the True Definition of Love is.  

Contrary to popular belief, True Love is not ooey gooey feelings of warmth, affection and cuddles.

Nor is it strong mental or physical attraction to another.

It's not even when your friends "Just accept me for who I am, and whatever I do."

You see, there are several types of love.  There's the type of "love" that you have for friends and family.  There's romantic relationship love.  And then there's UNCONDITIONAL, TRUE LOVE.

The Love we're talking about today is UNCONDITIONAL, TRUE LOVE.  It's also known as "Agape Love."

If you've ever been at a wedding, you have heard the definition of agape love:

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails." 

Notice two things:

1)  The word "fear" is not mentioned.  AT ALL.  

2)  There are ZERO situations/circumstances listed which give exception to the qualities of love.  

This is what we call black and white living.  You either ARE, or you AREN'T.  

Remember learning that "two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time"?

The same goes for fear and love.  Fear and love cannot exist in your mind, in your heart or in your life at the same time.  It's LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

When you hold back because you're playing out worse case scenario, that's fear-based; not love-based.

When you allow your ego to front you, that's fear-based; not love-based.

So let's play this out: 

Me:  Fearing the loss of love is fear-based and not love-based

You:  Duh.  The question is, "What do I do about it?  Because right now I sure don't feel any better...in fact, not only do I feel worse, I now feel stupid on top of it!

This is why and where the element of Heart Training is so important.  You can try to rationalize everything all damn day--sooner or later-you're gonna come up empty handed because True Things cannot be justified by science or logical thought.  

They are far greater and supersede our understanding and mental capacities. 

Love is one of those things. 

But not just ANY love.  UNCONDITIONAL, AGAPE LOVE.

Here's what you need to know:  there is no human being on the planet who will be able to be 100% on pointe with unconditional love 100% of the time.  Each of us is flawed.  Each of us gets tired, frustrated and HANGRY. (LOL)

Each of us will at one point or another be abandoned, rejected, criticized, hung out to dry or disappointed by other people.  And yes, even by the ones who aren't supposed to hurt us.  

And when you have those "losses," it plain and simple messes you up. 

You simply become fearful of loss, because it hurts.  And it sucks.  It can make it INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to trust that you won't end up alone and hurt again.  

Does that strike a cord?

So where do you go and what are you supposed to do with that?

Here's what I've found works the best:  Throw it on up to The Big Man Upstairs. 

It's been my experience both personally and professionally as a coach that there are things which can only be fixed by God. 

He is a CONSTANT and every single descriptor listed in the above passage about love being patient, kind, non-envious, etc. describe God and His Love.

It seems impossible-but that's only because we only have human understanding of how much humans can love (or how much they can hurt us).

Now you might be new to this, so I'm going to invite you to go back up to the passage and read it again.  Only this time, every time you see the words "love" or "it," substitute the word God. 

That's going to give you COGNITIVE understanding. 

The next step is to get the HEART understanding of it. 

And the only way to do that, is by getting to KNOW God and developing a relationship WITH Him. 

Stay Prayed Up and Happy Sunday to You!